Exploring Female Sexual Fantasies
Freud once stated that only unsatisfied people have sexual fantasies.
Well, the bearded shrink was wrong; studies of human sexual behavior have proven exactly the opposite. Sexual fantasies have been shown to be associated with high libido as defined by high sex drive and orgasm frequency.
This was especially true for women: those who had more sexual fantasies also had higher sexual desire and sexual satisfaction. Pleasure fuels a desire for more pleasure. And while there exists a common false belief that men daydream about sex every seven seconds or so during their waking hours, women also frequently fantasize, especially after they have become aroused. Indeed, women who have sexual fantasies during arousal are much more likely to experience orgasms than women who do not.
So don't feel guilty if you find yourself fantasizing about Angelina Jolie while making love to your girlfriend or wife. While you are humping away at your imaginary Angelina, she is probably dreaming about being ravished by Brad Pitt on some deserted island in a modern-day remake of From Here to Eternity.
In fact, research has shown that women are just as likely as men to have sexual fantasies during intercourse; and just like men, women often fantasize about having sex with other partners.
what does that say about her?
Just because she is fantasizing about someone else does not mean she is unhappy with her man. For reasons similar to those that cause men to imagine themselves with other partners, the "spice" of the fantasy simply adds to her arousal and provides that extra "oomph" to bring her over the top.
While she might be plenty happy with her man's performance, dreaming that it is Brad Pitt who is giving her that pleasure just enhances its orgasmic potency.
what do women fantasize about?
One person at a time
Nevertheless, female fantasies are different from male ones in several major ways. Men tend to fantasize about a greater number of sexual partners, and many men like to "swap" their imagined partners, while women tend to "stay" with one specific person during their fantasy.
Vivid fantasies, free of precise details
Men tend to focus on activities and body organs during their fantasies, which led researchers to describe male fantasies as consisting of "sex acts and parts." Even though women's fantasies are just as vivid, they are frequently unable to provide the same descriptive details about the objects of their fantasy.
Women's fantasies are also less explicit -- women are far less likely than men to visualize their imagined lover's genitals than men are. Instead, women appear to be more involved with their own emotional responses than with the characteristics of their imaginary partners. Their fantasies frequently include descriptions of their imagined selves, such as: "I look so sexy wearing my favorite blue lingerie that he can't take his eyes off me." Women are also more likely to describe feelings that their fantasies evoke: "I felt happy and free."
Exotic & romantic settings
Another characteristic of female fantasies is reference to exotic, romantic settings, such as islands, forests, flowers, waterfalls, moonlight and heaven. Many women also mention freedom from responsibilities or distractions (such as children or the telephone) as an important aspect of their fantasies.
Passive & submissive thoughts
Women are also more likely to fantasize that they are passive recipients of sexual activity, unlike men, whose fantasies are more about performing sexual activity on an imagined sexual object.
Similarly, women are more likely to have submission fantasies than men; however, the common so-called "rape fantasy" is not at all about real rape. It is about the woman's irresistible sex appeal that causes some handsome, sensitive, caring "brute" to be so overcome with passion that he has to take her.
He exerts just enough force to overcome her token resistance, and then his sensitive, caring side takes over -- enabling him to do just the right things to satisfy her. If her fantasies are drawn out into daydreams, they will likely lead to her brutish lover proposing marriage, or at least promising an undying commitment to satisfying her sexually.
Female fantasies are more emotional, intimate and contextual, and often reflect a woman's concern for committed partners and romantic settings. So while guys may fantasize about threesomes or harems full of anonymous babes, women's fantasies emphasize touching, feelings, partner response, their own physical and emotional responses, and a romantic ambience.
The object of their daydreams might be a celebrity, but it is more likely to be someone they have had -- or wished to have had -- a past relationship with. Indeed, the most common feature of female fantasies is the inclusion of a husband or a current love partner (twice as many women as men fantasize about their current partner). So chances are, while you are imagining that she is Angelina Jolie, she is actually thinking of you, or you and Brad Pitt dueling over her!
However, your girlfriend might be fantasizing about Angelina Jolie as well, because many women are naturally bi-curious and women are much more likely to have same-sex fantasies than men. If you find out that your girlfriend or wife is having such fantasies, don't worry about her being a lezzy -- take advantage of the moment and suggest a threesome. But don't be too eager; pretend that you are actually indulging her fantasy!
Girl fantasies are less likely to involve fetishes. Forget the foot worshipping scene; if a woman fantasizes about shoes, she is dreaming about the mall and the latest style of Manolo Blahnik pumps. She might fantasize about a bout of light bondage -- as part of a bodice-ripping, romantic encounter with some ruggedly handsome pirate type.
share your fantasies
Encourage her to share her fantasies with you and then surprise her by acting parts of them out (some hotels have theme rooms customized for various fantasies).
Communicating about your fantasies will enrich your sex life and may even bring some of them to fruition -- especially if it turns out that both of you have been thinking about sleeping with her yoga instructor!
And one more thing... if, after a hot bout of sex, she whispers in your ear, "Oh, Brad, that was wonderful!," don't freak out or get insanely jealous. Just give her a squeeze, kiss her eyes, and whisper back, "My Angelina, I'm glad it was good for you too!"