He’s my brother, it doesn’t matter what he looks like
What mother heard son tell kids about his twin who was born with half a FACE
Close bond ... Oliver and Harry Machin are best of friends
TWINS Oliver and Harry Machin are not just brothers but best pals too – though it took mum Charlene months to develop a loving relationship.
For Harry was born with only half a FACE after a rare deformity meant his left eye, ear and nostril failed to form.
And 33-year-old Charlene admits: “When I cuddled him for the first time, waves of terror swept over me. How could I possibly love this little boy when he looked like this?
“People assume that maternal instinct kicks in as soon as you hold your child for the first time — but mine didn’t.
“I didn’t feel anything, just emptiness. I fixed a smile on my face but behind the smile I was in pieces.
“I just couldn’t love my son when he looked like this. Instead I just felt grief — grief for a life that I felt had been taken from me, a normal life that should have been Harry’s.”
Today the boys are happy, high-energy seven-year-olds and Charlene and her 38-year-old husband Mark, a barber, could not love them more.
But it was a different story back in the maternity unit all those years ago.
'Behind the smile I was in pieces' ... Charlene Machin with husband Mark holding her son Harry for first time
The couple, from Stoke-on-Trent, Staffs, had been thrilled when they first discovered Charlene was pregnant. But when she began suffering a lot of pelvic pain, doctors thought she might be having an ectopic pregnancy, where the baby develops outside the womb — putting the mother’s life at risk.
Then a scan revealed she was carrying twins and Charlene, a primary school teacher, says: “I rang Mark to break the news to him and he was as shocked as I was. But once we got used to it, we were so excited.
“At 32 weeks my waters broke and I had to have an emergency caesarean to deliver the boys, as Oliver was in a breech position.
“The boys arrived weighing 3lb 9oz each. Mark rang everyone we knew to tell them we had two healthy boys. We simply couldn’t wait to take our sons home.”
But it soon became clear that all was not well. Charlene says: “Doctors whisked away Harry straight off after his birth and I wasn’t able to see him.
“Then they broke the news to us that he had a facial deformity. I’d only just recovered from giving birth by caesarean when the doctor lifted his hand to his own face and made a sweeping gesture across the left side.
“‘It’s as though his face has been erased completely,’ he told me. ‘He has no eye on that side, no ear or nostril’.
“It was devastating. I was just numb with the shock.”
For the first few months Charlene blamed herself and wanted to hide the boys away, as whenever she went out, people would stare and point.
She recalls: “Mark kept saying, ‘It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself’. But whatever anyone said, I did blame myself.
“While any new mum would be thrilled with two new arrivals, it wasn’t like that for Mark and me.”
Harry was transferred to Salford Royal Hospital in Manchester, where scans ruled out any kidney, spine or heart problems. He stayed for a week before he was allowed to go home with his family.
Charlene says: “I went through the routine stuff with him, feeding and changing him. But still I couldn’t feel anything for him, and I couldn’t bring myself to take the two of them out. The occasional time that I did dare to venture out, the double buggy attracted attention.
“People came over to ask about the twins and when they saw Harry, some even ran away screaming.
“It took me a long time to start loving my little boy.
“It was two years before I finally loved him properly, like I’d always imagined that I would love my children. But I did gradually come to accept what he looked like.”
The turning point came during a shopping trip to Mothercare when the boys were 18 months old.
Charlene says: “As soon as I walked into the store, children came running up to look at the twins.
“I felt like the Pied Piper as I walked through the store with them behind me, staring and pointing.
“I’d had enough. It was time to help Harry face the world. I swung the buggy round and said, ‘This is Harry’.
“The children asked what was wrong with him, so I told them. And afterwards I felt stronger. Instead of trying to hide my son away, I’d faced it head-on, and I felt better.
“From then on I got more confident about taking the twins out. I can’t predict how people are going to react to him.
“Adults stare and whisper and sometimes children scream and run away from him.
“It is difficult for Oliver to deal with and my heart goes out to him. Recently I heard him say to a group of children, ‘He’s my brother. It doesn’t matter what he looks like’.
“It breaks my heart to hear him, though I’m pleased that Harry will always have Oliver there to help him through. But it’s a lot for Oliver to take on.
“It has knocked his self-confidence but he’s so protective of his brother. I’m very proud of them both.”
Harry has had three operations to reposition his eye socket and in July last year he had ten hours of surgery at Alder Hey Children’s Hospital in Liverpool.
It was a success and next year he is due to have his eyelid stretched and a prosthetic eye fitted. Charlene says: “Harry and I have such a close relationship now. I’ve got no shame in admitting that I couldn’t love my son when he was born.
“I don’t want people to think that it’s easy to love a child straight away like this.
“But I want my story to give hope to other mums who may find themselves in my position.
“Don’t give up hope. I’ve learned to accept Harry’s deformity and the love I have for both my sons is so strong.
“I’m very proud of what Harry and I have achieved together, to make that bond between us as strong as it is today.
“I wouldn’t change him for the world.”
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