9 Steps to Let Go of Perfectionism

Hara Estroff Marano suggests the following techniques in her article, "Pitfalls of Perfectionism," to let go of perfectionsim:

Perfectionists fear that if they give up perfectionism, they won't be good anymore at anything; they'll fall apart. In fact, perfectionism harms performance more than it helps. The worst thing about it, says Randy Frost [a professor at Smith College], is the belief that self-worth is contingent on performance—that if you don't do well, you're worthless. It's possible to escape that thinking.

1. First, watch a movie or a sunset or engage in some activity not affected by your perfectionistic strivings. Pay attention to how much pleasure you get from it.

2. Then engage in some activity—say, tennis—that is subject to your perfectionism. How much pleasure do you get from it?

3. Ask yourself: So I miss a shot, what does it mean for my self-worth?

4. Apply that same insight to all other activities: Is this perfectionistic orientation worth it for this task?

5. Now you actually need to experiment with a different way of evaluating yourself and your performance. So deliberately make a mistake; miss a shot in tennis.

6. Ask yourself: Does your opponent think less of you? Do observers think less of you? If your opponent makes a mistake, do you think less of him?

7. Play tennis and concentrate only on the motion of your body. Did you enjoy that set more?

8. Understand the nature of mistakes. They're something we learn from—more than from our successes.

9. Look upon failure as information, not a fixed or frozen outcome. It's a signal to try something else—another chance to learn.

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