Interfaith Families

Raising children in an interfaith family can be extremely challenging. Should parents choose one religion for their children? Should they teach both religions and let their child choose? Should they not push religion and faith at all? Beliefnet readers weighed in on the challenges of interfaith parenting with their own tips for creating a harmonious family life.

Respect the Differences

I am a child of a Catholic/Buddhist marriage. I think the most important thing is respect and open, honest communication. The beautiful thing about being multicultural is that you get to celebrate life in many different ways. I love having Japanese, German, French, Buddhist, Catholic, and Jewish influences in my life. This makes my world rich, and my future children will be rich in the way of knowledge and culture.

--kikue26

Find the Commonalities

If the parents are Christian and Jewish, then realize that there is an awful lot of common ground in the Jewish and Christian faiths. Perhaps you can focus on those things in the upbringing of the children. I think it would be of great benefit to a child to have an understanding of the differences as they grow up too.

-- VBallR

Choose One Faith

I think it might be a good idea to talk to any interfaith friends and family who are thinking about having children, and advise them to think and pick a faith first. It will be much less confusing to a child.

-- kendraj

Realize You Can't Plan Everything

Twenty-five years and three kids later, we are still in love and married. But no amount of dialogue or planning could have prepared us for raising kids in an interfaith household. You just have to live your way through it and can't really plan ahead. It never would have worked without us feeling our way along, constantly making small adjustments, and not panicking when lives didn't play out the way we expected.

--Borincano

Explore Spirituality of All Types

My husband is Christian, and I was raised Christian but became Pagan/Wiccan as an adult. I made sure our boys knew my beliefs but encouraged them to explore spirituality of all types. They attended services with friends of various religions. They seem to have learned well. And now that they are adults, I am very impressed with their characters.

--RiverMoonlady


Find the Middle Ground

My belief is that we don't own our children; we are their caretakers and guides. Religion can be overwhelming for a child, let alone two sets of teachings. I have noticed that some religions have a lot in common, so I would find the middle ground in both faiths and teach that to the children.

--Dancingflame

Define Celebrations Clearly

Children may be confused if you're raising them in one parent's religion but celebrating the religious holidays of the other parent. One strategy is to explain to them that it is like being at a friends birthday. You can join in the fun and celebrate, but its not your special day. Youre celebrating it because its important to someone you care about.

--Micah Sachs, Online Managing Editor InterfaithFamily.com

Don't Succumb to Family Pressure

No grandparent can be permitted to take your child's responsibility away from you. If one or both families demand that you follow their tradition, the best thing to do is sit them both down in the at the same time and ask them: "So does this mean you'll be minding our business from now on?" Putting them in their places--firmly, with respect--can do more for future domestic peace than anything else.

--themadone

Blend Two Religions

I was raised in a dual faith household. You might think this was confusing to us but, it was not. For every Catholic question, mom had the pagan answer. And for every pagan question, dad had the Catholic answer. The blending of these two religions really made it easier for us to understand God.

--BayWitch29

Parents: Don't Pretend

If you decide to go with a tradition that one partner does not follow, don't have that partner pretend to follow it. Children see deception very clearly. Instead, make it clear that dad/mom has his/her personal choices to make. I don't mean that the partner should be completely absent from activities, especially milestone events. But don't have that person pretend. Of course, if there is a sincere conversion, then it all becomes moot.

--themadone

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