Resent the Silence?

Yesterday, I tried really hard to focus on the positive aspect of losing my voice and being consigned to silence while I recover my health. But today, as I re-read the post I thought, "Can I take that back?" Clearly my grumpy gland is up....

I guess I won't rescind my statement that contemplative silence is a profound, spiritual experience that's hard to achieve in the busy world we travel. But that's a chosen silence, a conscious, mindful quiet that's actively sought and welcomed.

What I'm struggling with today is the dark side of silence - the voiceless, muted part where I can't even explain to my doctor's office what's wrong. "My throat...." is all I could croak. I'm having to cancel fun plans left and right, and I have to do it all electronically because I can't speak. Friends and family who call with concern are greeted with...silence. I have no voice. And that hurts.

This too shall pass, I know it shall, but I wanted to share this with you to see if there's something I'm missing in my feel-sorry-for-myself misery, some other way back to positivity that I can't see because I'm too mute, blocked, and feverish to think straight.

Then again, maybe feeling bad is ok when one is, well, feeling bad. And maybe my voice, which you are reading but not hearing, has a presence that's bigger than just its out-loud quality. Thank you, Fresh Living readers, for that - for listening to what I cannot say, what you cannot hear, but what we can share.

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