10 Good Things About Depression

A radio talk host recently asked me this question: "If you could have had your way and never deal with a mood disorder in your life, would you do that. Or has the depression, somehow, enhanced your life?"
Thankfully he asked that question on a fairly stable day, when I wasn't counting up the years until I could become a member of AARP and be closer to the finish line. Had he asked me during my two suicidal years, I think I would have shot back, "Go to hell, dude. Why not ask a 10 year old dying with Leukemia to give you a list of goodies that illness has bestowed?"
I immediately thought of Peter Kramer's eloquent 2005 article in the New York Times Magazine titled "There's Nothing Deep About Depression." Kramer explained that he penned his latest book "Against Depression" as a response to the same annoying question asked over and over again in bookstores and professional meetings: "What if Prozac had been available in van Gogh's time?"
Like tuberculosis 100 years ago, depression today carries with it an element of refinement, of sacredness. Kramer writes, "We idealize depression, associating it with perceptiveness, interpersonal sensitivity and other virtues. Like tuberculosis in its day, depression is a form of vulnerability that even contains a measure of erotic appeal." He goes on to say that "Depression is not a perspective. It is a disease...We should have no trouble admiring what we do admire - depth, complexity, aesthetic brilliance - and standing foursquare against depression.
However, having said all that, I do hereby appreciate the gifts that this ugly and manipulative beast has laid upon my table, and so--in David Letterman style I give you the top 10.
10. I write better.
Now I know that going public with a nervous breakdown and describing in detail one's psychiatric chart online and in the pages of a book is not a good career move for most people. So I suggest you think long and hard about pulling my stunt. But here's the thing, my mood disorder has been good for my writing because I don't care as much what other people think. If I did, do you think I'd let folks get a sneak peak into my neurotic brain? Most of that caring about other people's opinions was fortunately left inside the walls of the psych ward. I walked out of that place able to pen the real stuff, the good stuff, the material oozing from my very heart and soul. With the help of some great editors and friends like Holly, I might add.
9. I have fascinating conversations with strangers.
Here's how the majority of my first conversations/introductions go with people who I sit next to on the plane, train, or at my son's soccer games:
"So what do you do?"
"I write a mental health blog."
"Oh. That's interesting. How did you get into that?"
"I had a major nervous breakdown and wanted to kill myself for about two years. So one day I told God that if I ever woke up and wanted to be alive that I would dedicate the rest of my life to helping people who are trapped in the Black Hole. That morning came. And you, what do you do?"

8. I don't have a choice about staying in shape.
A lot of folks ask me how I keep the discipline to work out five times a week and eat salads for lunch. Here's the thing: I don't do any of it for weight reasons or looking pretty. I know from a long history of trial and error, that if I skip out on exercising for over three days, that I start to fantasize about death again ... that I start adding up my years and brainstorm about how I can skip my 40s, 50s, and 60s, and just go straight to the coffin. If I exist on a Starbucks and chocolate diet for longer than 24 hours, I won't be able to stop crying. I don't dare touch alcohol because it's a depressive, and I have enough trouble staying out of darkness without its help, thank you very much. Pulling an all-nighter? Not an option. That would trigger a manic cycle, followed by a brutal crash into depression. I'm not disciplined. I'm just very delicate.
7. I care less about numbers.
Pre-breakdown, I used to fret and worry and stay up all night (and get manic, yes) over things like red royalty figures and book proposals going nowhere. Thank God I didn't have to deal with page view numbers back then, because they would have determined my mood for the day. Now I won't say that I am totally immune to the competitive bug that I get from time to time, when I start comparing my numbers to other authors'. But here's the difference: it doesn't affect my appetite or sleep anymore. I want to succeed and do well, yes. But every day in which I do not want to die is a victory, a smashing success. When you've on the fault line between death and life for years at a time, the little stuff doesn't matter as much.
6. I laugh more.
Before breakdown, I did have a sense of humor. But now? Everything is hysterical. The psych ward stories? Priceless. The image of my 8-year-old self on my knees praying five rosaries a day to try to make it into heaven ... wacky! I laugh at situations that get twisted around in the most bizarre way, leaving me feeling naked in front of a crowd. I laugh at myself. Just like G. K. Chesterton once wrote, "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly."
5. I am more outwardly focused.
Abraham Lincoln taught me this one. Poor thing did not have the benefit of medication. But my friend Joshua Wolf Shenk, author of "Lincoln's Melancholy," says the most important contributor to his climb out of the Black Hole was turning to a greater cause ... of transforming his melancholy into a vision for emancipation. I get that. I really do, because I feel like Beyond Blue and my outreach efforts on behalf of those cursed with brain chemistry inspire me with a mission worth getting out of bed for.
4. Depression helps your thinking.
This does not apply to those days where you can think of nothing other than ways to take your own life. But the less threatening ruminations and obsessions--"She hates me. I know she hates. She has every reason to hate me because I'm hateable"--can actually become fodder for some brain exercises that lead to analytical thinking. At least that's what Sharon Begley writes in her Newsweek article, "The Upside of Depression." A depressive's brain is, essentially, always on the treadmill. So all this thinking can actually lead to a Eureka! moment. In theory anyway.
3. I am less judgmental.
I think anyone who has been completely disabled by an illness learns a lesson or two in humility. I am less judgmental now when it comes to health philosophies. If a person says he or she is trying her hardest, who am I to say, "That's bull crap! Get off your butt and pull yourself up!" I take their word for it ... that they are fighting the beast as best they can ... because I know what it feels like to be on the other side, judged by my efforts and looked down upon because my health philosophies aren't compatible with others'.
2. I am more compassionate.
My mood disorder didn't just disrupt nerve cells in my brain, it also expanded my heart. Now I catch the woman tearing up in the back corner of a conference room. I can't help but tune into to my intuition, reading a heavy sadness in the room. So I go over to her and hug her or take her hand. I am no longer bashful of doing this, because I have been her, sitting there crying in a public room, so many times, and I would always appreciate any kind gesture to let me know I wasn't alone.
1. I am no longer afraid of death (or anything).
Here's the thing about being depressed. You are no longer afraid of death. Say a guy with a gun is about to walk into a restaurant where you are eating (true story). You are a tad alarmed, but not scared. Because you are already living your life as fully as you can. You are putting every ounce of effort into each second, so, quite frankly, if it's your time to go, you're cool with that. And on the bad days ... you're actually relieved!

Zicam Cold Remedy (dangerous side effects)

FDA Advises Consumers Not To Use Certain Zicam Cold Remedies
Intranasal Zinc Product Linked to Loss of Sense of Smell

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration today advised consumers to stop using three products marketed over-the-counter as cold remedies because they are associated with the loss of sense of smell (anosmia). Anosmia may be long-lasting or permanent.

The products are:
    --Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Gel
    --Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Swabs
    --Zicam Cold Remedy Swabs, Kids Size (a discontinued product)

The FDA has received more than 130 reports of loss of sense of smell associated with the use of these three Zicam products. In these reports, many people who experienced a loss of smell said the condition occurred with the first dose; others reported a loss of the sense of smell after multiple uses of the products.

“Loss of sense of smell is a serious risk for people who use these products for relief from cold symptoms,” said Janet Woodcock, M.D., director of the FDA’s Center for Drug Evaluation and Research (CDER). “We are concerned that consumers may unknowingly use a product that could cause serious harm, and therefore we are advising them not to use these products for any reason.”

People who have experienced a loss of sense of smell or other problems after use of the affected Zicam products should contact their health care professional. The loss of sense of smell can adversely affect a person’s quality of life, and can limit the ability to detect the smell of gas or smoke or other signs of danger in the environment.

The FDA has issued Matrixx Initiatives, maker of these Zicam products, a warning letter telling it that these products cannot be marketed without FDA approval.

“Companies have an obligation to the public to demonstrate to the FDA that their products are safe, particularly when there is evidence they may be causing serious adverse events, and they are marketed for minor, self-limiting conditions like the common cold,” said Deborah M. Autor, director of CDER’s Office of Compliance.

Health care professionals and consumers are encouraged to report adverse events (side effects) that may be related to the use of these products to the FDA's MedWatch Adverse Event Reporting program online, by regular mail, fax or phone.
    --Online
    --Regular Mail: use FDA postage paid form 3500 and mail to MedWatch, 5600 Fishers Lane, Rockville, MD 20852-9787
    --Fax: 800-FDA-0178
    --Phone: 800-FDA-1088

For more information:
http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/PostmarketDrugSafetyInformationforPatientsandProviders/ucm166834.htm

You live in 21st century if.....

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You have so many passwords you can never remember any of them.

3. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

4. You have more text conversations than phone conversations.

5. Ditto IM and Skype conversations.

6. You use your cell phone to find your boyfriend at a crowded show or bar.

7. You have a list of fifteen phone numbers to reach your family of three.

8. When you leave home in the morning, forgetting your cell phone—which you didn’t need and didn’t know you needed for the first twenty or thirty (or sixty) years of your life—is a cause for total panic and you have to turn around immediately to go get it.

10. Losing your cell phone is a major, major catastrophe.

11. Losing your Internet access is an even bigger catastrophe.

12. You spend more time looking at MySpace and YouTube and FB and Twitter than you do watching TV.

13. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

Twenty-five Signs of Grown Up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “breakup.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog “Science Diet” instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at three in the morning would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A four dollar bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. Ninety percent of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh shit what the hell happened?”
Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that it doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.

What to eat and not to eat during the holiday fiesta

1. Avoid raw carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrot sticks on a holiday buffet table has zero Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see any raw vegetable sticks, leave immediately. Consider leaving if you see vegetables, period. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. As quickly as you can. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s hard to come by. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. It’s endangered! You can’t find it any other time of year. So drink up! Who cares about the 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to become an eggnog-aholic, for chrissake. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If gravy comes with something, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. You can also use it to disguise mediocre food quality that might otherwise prevent you from eating too much. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy until it erupts. Eat the erupting volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or heavy cream. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the season for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table repeatedly while carrying a ten-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, or slices of chocolate cheesecake with chocolate butter frosting and chocolate cream filling, position yourself near it and don’t budge. Have as much as you can before you become a spectacle, attracting jealous attention and competitors. It’s like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again. D’uh.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Pecan. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like pecan, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? True, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when the party’s over, you haven’t taken these tips to heart. Or gut. In this case, reread tips. But hurry, January is just around the corner.

Feminist Demands She Wants You To Ignore, Are u living in 21st Century?

Living in the 21st century means you will encounter more than a few “independent ladies” while you’re out on the prowl. We're not talking about the stereotypical, garden-variety, hairy-armpit feminists here. The modern feminist can simply be a working woman who pays her own bills and doesn’t need a man in her life to be happy. Enter you, the lucky guy who is thrilled at the prospect of a non-clingy girlfriend. Not so fast. While the notion of the sexy feminist isn’t completely false, you need to be aware of those pesky feminist demands that even the most independent of women is expecting you to ignore. Why don't women just tell you what they want, you ask? Silly rabbit, then they wouldn't be women! Here's what you need to know.

 

"I can carry my own bag."

It stands to reason that most modern women are willing and able to take care of all the needs in their world -- money, shelter, even general household maintenance. (Plumber is under P in the yellow pages, right?) Your girl survived before you came into her life and she will likely continue to do so if you should leave it. Don’t assume that your girlfriend can't do something on her own -- do assume that she would very much like you to offer to do some of these things for
her. It won't kill you to open a few doors, carry some heavy bags or walk your woman home once in a while -- in fact, the right girl will probably inspire this in you from the get-go. It might seem old-fashioned, but it’s also, you know, polite.

 

"Don't objectify me!"

There was a time in the not-so-distant past when much of a woman’s importance was based simply on how she looked. You’d be hard-pressed to find anybody who’d admit to that attitude now. Independent women today want to be valued for their intelligence, their work ethic, their kindness -- oh yeah, and their looks. Things have changed, but they haven’t changed that much. Females who claim they aren’t impressed by compliments about their appearance are liars. The beauty and fashion industries would implode if this were true. Appreciate her other amazing qualities of course, but if your girl is looking good, tell her so -- simple as that.

 

"I'll pay my share."

Your girlfriend’s salary: $55,000 a year. Price of a fancy restaurant dinner: $150. Splitting that check two ways: $75 each. Your offering to pay the whole thing: Priceless. You shouldn’t be expected to pay for every little thing your girlfriend desires, but treating her once in a while is a pleasant change she will definitely notice and appreciate. Make sure she’s a girl who would do the same for you though -- if not, keep those Benjamins to yourself, playa.

We have more feminist demands she wants you to ignore after the jump...

 

"I can think for myself!"

Chances are your woman isn’t a meek Stepford-wife type, leaving every important quandary at your feet to solve. Modern women think for themselves -- but you already knew that. While your girlfriend wants you to value her opinions, there are times when she just wants you to take the reins. Even the highest-powered executive wants to come home to a man who already thought ahead for their dinner plans without any needed input from her. Indecisiveness, like a comb-over, is never attractive.

 

"I won't be shackled into a marriage."

There are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, women want to get married. This doesn’t mean you need to be shopping for engagement rings three months in, but what it does mean is that as long as you’re not vehemently against marriage, most women aren’t, either. They may be fine with years of dating, but most women eventually crave the ultimate commitment -- which in most cultures still equals a ring, a dress and the Electric Slide. You may now kiss the bride.

 

decode her demands

Gender roles continue to evolve every day. It used to be almost heretic to suggest that a man be a stay-at-home father while his wife worked, but now it’s something people don’t even blink at. However, no matter how independent women get, there will always be that part of them that wants to be treated like an old-fashioned lady, whether that means letting her take the backseat in some decision-making or complimenting her on the hot new dress she bought. Sound contradictory to you? Well, that's because it is. Women are a complete contradiction in terms and that’s one thing they’re likely never to evolve out of -- like men and leaving the toilet seat up. We all have our crosses to bear.

The Doctor Q&A

Q:  Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular  exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your   heart is only good for so many  beats, and that's  it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying  you can extend  the life of your car  by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your   system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good  source of field grass  (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?  
A:  No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is  distilled wine, that means they take the  water out of  the fruity bit so you  get even  more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise  program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.  
My philosophy is:  No Pain...Good!
 

  Q:  Aren't  fried   foods bad for you?  
A:  YOU'RE NOT  LISTENING!!!  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.  In fact, they're permeated in it.  How could getting more vegetables be bad for   you?

Q:  Will sit-ups  help prevent me from getting a little  soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a  bigger stomach.

Q:   Is chocolate bad for me?  
A:    Are you crazy? HELLO, Cocoa beans!  Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:    Is swimming good for your figure?  
A:   If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:   Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?  
A:   Hey!  'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And   remember:
'Life should  NOT be a  journey to the grave with the intention  of arriving safely in an attractive and well  preserved  body, but rather to skid in sideways -  Chardonnay in one  hand - chocolate in  the  other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out  and   screaming 'WOO  HOO, What a   Ride'
 
 AND
For   those of you who watch what you eat, here's the  final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting  nutritional  studies.  
 
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer  fewer  heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer  heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks  than Americans.

4. The  Italians drink  a lot of  red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
being American is  apparently what kills you.