Not a people person? That shouldn't be a problem in these careers.
Do you long for a job where you can work in peace and quiet, without people constantly bugging you?
If you're not a people person, don't feel like you have to pretend to be one to get a good job, says Nancy Ancowitz, a business communication coach and author of "Self-Promotion for Introverts®: The Quiet Guide to Getting Ahead."
"After all, who wants to interact with a waiter, salesperson, or doctor who would be happier playing the professional equivalent of Solitaire?" Ancowitz asks. "Not everyone thrives in a customer-facing role - particularly the customers you're facing if you're not a people person."
The good news is that you don't necessarily have to be a people person to thrive in every career.
Keep reading to learn about some great options for people who just want to be left alone.
Career #1 - Accountant
Are you happier focusing on spreadsheets and actually getting things done versus listening to coworkers or customers talking all day? Consider career options in accounting.
"As an accountant or auditor, concentrating on solitary tasks involving financial records, budgets, and tax code is far more important than being a social butterfly or showman," Ancowitz says.
In fact, accountants often spend their days organizing and maintaining financial records, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. You might also study your company's financial statements to make sure they're correct, or think about new ways for your company to reduce costs and improve profits.
Education Options: The Department of Labor says "most accountants and authors need at least a bachelor's degree in accounting or a related field."
Career #2 - Technical Writer
Wish you could be left alone with your thoughts a little more - and deal with people a little less? Consider pursuing a career as a technical writer and you just might get your wish.
"Many writers live a rich life inside their own heads," Ancowitz says. "Depending on what type of writing you do, your need to interact with the outside world may be more dependent on how well you stock your fridge than a burning need to 'party.'"
As a technical writer, for example, you might write instruction or operating manuals, says the U.S. Department of Labor. That could mean spending your days gathering and organizing technical information, and figuring out how to explain complicated products or processes so customers can understand them better.
Education Options: According to the Department of Labor, a college degree is usually required. You might want to consider earning it in journalism, English, or communications, as these are degrees employers generally prefer, says the Department.
Career #3 - Graphic Designer
Do you dream of spending your days alone with your creativity, uninterrupted by noisy coworkers or customers? Consider pursuing a career as a graphic designer and your creativity might get to flow without interruption.
"The rest of the world mainly uses words to express themselves and visuals are an afterthought," Ancowitz says. "But for [graphic designers], visuals are your mother tongue and words may not flow so easily. You may enjoy lots of downtime so you can allow your creative thoughts to swirl around your head."
However, Ancowitz warns that some offices may come with coworkers that "may distract you from your creative process," so you'll want to pick and choose where you work wisely.
So what exactly do graphic designers do? According to the U.S. Department of Labor, they often need to figure out what clients need and how to best communicate their message visually. As part of the job, they might create logos or develop layouts for advertisements.
Education Options: The Department of Labor says graphic designers usually need a bachelor's degree in graphic design or a related field. The Department also notes that you'll need a good portfolio when it comes time to look for work - so make sure to focus on developing a strong body of work while you're in school.
Career #4 - Software Developer
Do you prefer the reliability of machines to the unpredictability of people? You might want to consider pursuing a career as a software engineer.
"A lot of your work will probably entail sitting for hours on end at your computer rather than sitting at meetings all day," Ancowitz says.
And if you really want a workspace you're comfortable with, you'll probably be thrilled with this bit of news: Many software developers are able to telecommute to work, says the U.S. Department of Labor. This could be perfect for people who don't like the distractions of a busy office.
In terms of what you'll be doing, the Department of Labor says that as a software engineer, you might spend your days designing applications or even testing your software to make sure it works correctly.
Education Options: Software developers generally have a bachelor's degree in computer science, software engineering, or a related field - though a degree in math might also be okay for some employers, according to the Department.
Career #5 - Medical Laboratory Technician
Are you happiest when you know exactly what you need to do, following specific instructions to the letter? You might want to consider a career as a medical laboratory technician.
"Medical lab technicians often work with one patient at a time as well as behind-the-scenes," Ancowitz says. "This job may be appealing to you because it doesn't entail campaign speeches, back-to-back meetings, or nonstop schmoozing."
In fact, one of the things you might do as a medical lab technician working under the supervision of a medical laboratory technologist or laboratory manager is collect samples of body fluids, tissue, or other substances from patients - and then perform tests on them, says the U.S. Department of Labor.
Education Options: You'll usually need a medical laboratory technician associate's degree or certificate to get started in this field, says the Department of Labor. Check and see if your state requires medical laboratory technicians to get licensed or certified as well.
Career #6 - Information Security Analyst
Do you like the idea of thwarting criminals before they can cause major damage - but don't want to deal with people face to face? Consider preparing to pursue a career as an information security analyst.
"This is another career that is great for those who like to remain behind the scenes," Ancowitz says. She notes that this could be perfect for someone who's "got the mind of a sleuth, the energy of a watchdog, and the patience and persistence to solve complex technical problems."
The U.S. Department of Labor says information security analysts can use firewalls and data encryption programs to protect their company's computer systems from cyber attacks. You may also spend a lot of time keeping up-to-date on the latest cyber attacks and new security technology.
Education Options: The Department of Labor says information security analysts generally need a bachelor's degree in computer science, programming, or another computer-related field. The Department also notes that employers prefer analysts who've earned their master's in business administration (MBA) in information systems.
Six Careers for People Who Don't Like People
So - You Want to Be an Actor?
What it doesn't take to be an overnight success.
I've been in the entertainment business long enough to see everything from legitimate projects to scams, legitimate castings to scams, and legitimate classes and seminars to, well, you get the point.
Often I'm approached on a set or project and asked how I got my start, or more commonly, "how can I do what you do?"
Education.
I tell people the same thing. I have been an actor and stuntman for a long enough time to certainly be considered professional (over two decades). My background is classical and musical theatre. I benefited from the old school method of learning stunts, by being taken under a veteran stuntman's wing and taught the basics, a foundation to which I continue to augment with more training and tutelage. This applies to both my acting and stunt skills, as teacher and student.
Education can take many forms.
If you live in or near one of the major metropolitan areas where there is a lot of theatre or film work, sign up for classes in the former, and get yourself registered with an extras casting agency for the latter. At the very least, get involved in community theatre.
In the theatre environment, you will learn blocking and action choreography, as well as set construction and a host of other skills.
On a film set you'll learn about all these things and more, like what all those departments listed in the credits do, and the discipline that goes into making a motion picture. Look at it this way: you're getting paid to learn.
If you're interested in the stunt side of things, spend time learning gymnastics, dance, or developing skills that will help you tune into your body's athletic ability. This can be anything from sports to hiking.
Oftentimes I see classified listings and advertisments offering jobs as an extra, and other talent-based jobs often touting remarkable sums of compensation.
On a non-union project (Something NOT governed by the Screen Actor's Guild -SAG, or American Federation of Television and Radio Artists - AFTRA) pay scales vary wildly. Even on a signatory project, in certain states, if you're not a member of one of these guilds pay can be significantly less than is advertised in one of these "job offers."
The most important thing to remember is this: You should not pay to be listed with an agency, or join one of these job listing providers.
There are exceptions, such as an extras agency that might charge you 25.00 to 50.00 dollars a year to keep you in their database but don't charge you a dime in commission.
And there are plenty of websites that charge for site hosting. In most cases, you can find a talent or entertainment focused site that will let you post your info for free.
If you are going to sign up for a class, do the research. Ask to audit a class, and talk to current and former students. If the facility is legitimate, they usually won't have a problem with either. Utilize the internet to find out about the company.
The critical key is this: if they're promising you work, and want something, like money, up front, then suggest to them if they're so confident in your ability to gain work that perhaps they ought to take a commission from your PAY.
Be Smart, be Practical. Most online (not all, but most) are not marketed and do not service the industry. When someone signs up, their information and vitals languish. Most casting directors who do use online resources use legitimate online resources, like IActor (The SAG website for talent).
Take the time and ask people in the business. Use common sense. And when you're talking to anyone in the industry, be courteous and professional, and ask questions, but don't let down your guard. In this, as in any endeavor, education is your key to understanding. This applies to everything from headshots to how to format a cover letter to a coordinator.
By the way, there is no such thing as an overnight success in this business. It is a business, first and foremost. Remember that to gain the most out of it as you begin or continue our journey.
Manage Your Time — Don’t Let It Manage You
Does the phrase “time management” strike terror in your heart? If so, you aren’t alone. Virtually every woman who enters my office is upset by her inability to make better use of her time.
In fact, the problem of how to manage time is, well, as old as time. A 1746 quote from Poor Richard’s Almanac reads: “Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time; for that’s the stuff life is made of.”
Well, I’m tired of rounding up the usual time management suspects. So burn those lists! Forget that intricate filing system! Let’s take a fresh look at this age-old problem.
It’s All in How You Look at It
Our resistance to the notion of time management is that we view it as an end in itself. We try to convince ourselves that there is intrinsic value in cramming multitudes of activities into small amounts of time. And this idea is about as appealing as fingernails on a chalkboard.
Let’s consider another way to look at time management: Taking charge of your time really means taking control of your life, so you can enjoy it more. In other words, there’s actually something in it for you. Sound better? If so, read on for some ways to free up time — but time for fun.
- Find your prime time. Each of us has a time (or times) of day when we concentrate best, with the least effort. For most people this is early morning. I’ve worked with women who function best in the late afternoon, however, and others who are most productive in the middle of the night. Determine when your prime time is, and devote it to your most important projects. Block this time out on your daily calendar as if it is a mandatory meeting. Lock yourself in your office, or hang up a “do not disturb” sign. You’ll accomplish more in two hours of prime time than in any other four hours of your day.
- Don’t stay on automatic pilot. We waste incalculable time by never taking time to consider what we are doing, and why we are doing it. So get off the treadmill long enough to consider what and why. Ask yourself the following questions: Is this activity necessary? Can someone else do it for me? And most important, does it coincide with my priorities? You will find that asking these simple questions saves you invaluable time.
- Don’t own other people’s problems. We females seem to automatically absorb the concerns of those around us. We don’t stop to consider whether the problem is anything we have the power to resolve. Further, it rarely occurs to us that attempting to solve someone else’s problem may be enabling, rather than helping, them.
- Avoid procrastination. Whenever possible, attend to things right away. Have you noticed that the longer something sits, the more overwhelming it becomes? Also, don’t be held back by the need to do something perfectly. Just take a stab at it. You can go back and put the finishing touches on most of life’s tasks.
- Take a break. The idea of taking time off, when we are talking about using time more efficiently, may seem counterintuitive. But when we spend too much time focused on “have to’s” and “shoulds,” we become less efficient, not more. Taking a break to have some fun will leave us refreshed. It may also lend us a new idea or fresh perspective, as we reapply our energies to the task at hand.
What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Say
A close friend approaches you with a complicated problem that doesn’t have an easy solution. What do you do? If you simply express sympathy, you are not helping to solve the problem. If you try to give advice, it may seem like an attempt at a “quick fix” and appear as if you ‘ don’t understand the situation. You want to help, but you don’t want to intrude. What do you do?
You can help others arrive at their own solutions without being judgmental or intrusive by performing the following tasks:
- Help sort out concerns. Clarify the problem. Prioritize concerns and needs.
- Consider options. Identify what can be done. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of alternatives.
- Develop a plan. Focus on the best possible course of action. Plan carefully.
Sorting out concerns:
Before you can begin to help others to solve problems, you must first allow them to explore their own thoughts and emotions. You can facilitate this process by asking open ended questions that begin with “What” or “How.” Ask direct questions that encourage another to talk about the specific problem.
Summarize what the person says to you and repeat it back in your own words. Hearing you voice those concerns will help your friend to look at the situation more objectively, and to gauge how well he/she is communicating true feelings.
Once you have identified all of the problems that your friend wishes to address and all of the emotions involved, you can begin to explore options.
Reviewing options:
To help your friend identify possible courses of action, use three questions:
1. What have you tried?
2. What have you thought about trying” and
3. As we talk, what other possibilities come to mind?
Now, have the individual describe the advantages and disadvantages of each one. As the guide, be sure to get the person to look at the pros and cons. of each option.
Developing a plan:
Once your friend has decided on the best option, it is time to develop a plan. A good plan is negotiated together, focused in the present, specific and realistic.
After settling on a practical strategy, wrap up the problem solving process by having the person describe the plan. Be sure to seek clarification of any uncertainties or misunderstandings that come to light during the person’s summary.
The real help is in ‘being there’
Always end the discussion by expressing interest in how things progress. This gives the person added motivation to follow through with the plan. Stay involved.
Being a guide gives you the ability to respond effectively to others in decision making situations, even when you have no answers of your own. This step-by-step process can help you and the people you care about make important decisions seem more manageable.
Positive Stereotypes Help Women’s Performance
The finding is positive as women avoid the harmful impact a negative stereotype could unwittingly have on their performance.
The study, led by Robert J. Rydell, assistant professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at Indiana University, focused on women and math ability.
While studies — including this one — have shown that women will perform worse on mathematical tasks if simply made aware of the negative stereotype that women are weaker at math than men, this is the first study to examine the influence of concurrent and competing stereotypes, one negative and one positive.
The study also demonstrates how the negative stereotype encroached on working memory, thus leaving less brain power for the mathematical task at hand. The positive stereotypes had no such effect, however, and when coupled with the negative stereotype erased its drain on working memory.
“This research shows that because people are members of multiple social groups that often have contradictory performance stereotypes (for example, Asian females in the domain of math), making them aware of both a positive group stereotype and a negative stereotype eliminates the threat and underperformance that is usually seen when they dwell only on their membership in a negatively stereotyped group,” Rydell said.
“People seem motivated to align themselves with positively stereotyped groups and, as a byproduct, can eliminate the worry, stress and cognitive depletion brought about by negative performance stereotypes, increasing actual performance.”
The study, “Multiple Social Identities and Stereotype Threat: Imbalance, Accessibility, and Working Memory,” appears in the May issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Do Educational Degrees Matter?
The short answer is no, the educational background of the mental health professional will have little impact on the outcome of your treatment. There is virtually no research that has been published that suggests you will get a more positive outcome or get a more positive outcome more quickly if you choose a higher-priced, more-educated professional. What research does show is that experience and specialization matters. Generally, the more experienced a professional is in a specific topic area, the more likely that person will be able to help you more quickly.
So rather than focus on educational degrees, focus your search for a professional on how much experience they’ve had in treating your concern in the past, and whether they have a specific specialization in that concern. Typically you will only be able to discover this information by asking the professional.
Finding a mental health professional that is going to be best for you is more of an art than a science. The educational background of your psychotherapist should not be a deciding factor in this process. Your best bet is to determine what kinds of things are important to you and finding a professional that seems to fit with your needs and personality. Often times, finding the right therapist or mental health professional takes more than one try. You may need to “try on” a few professionals before finding one that feels right to you. Don’t be afraid to do this, as it is your well-being and treatment you’re investing in.
Tips for Successful College Internships
Students: Thinking about doing an internship this year? Cool! Internships are a great way to see your chosen field up close and personal. They often introduce people to both plusses and minuses in the work that an outsider never sees. Best yet, they often introduce students to the people who can help them on their way.
Employers: Thinking of starting an internship program? Terrific! Young interns often add energy and creativity to a work site. Their questions and observations can energize staff and get people to think critically about what they do and why. Sometimes internships are a great way to recruit good people once they graduate. Over the course of a semester, you are able to get to know a student and what she or he can do. If a student is promising, you can help her or him grow into skills you need. Perhaps most gratifying, training interns is an important contribution to the future of your field.
It’s a cooperative effort. An internship is not quite school and not quite a job. The student is there to learn by getting some hands-on experience. Unlike school, the emphasis isn’t on reading and thinking about a career but on actually trying it on for size. The sponsor may get some extra help by having another pair of eyes and hands at the workplace but the company has to remember that the student is just that, a student, not an employee. For an internship to be successful, both parties have to work at making it a mutually productive learning experience.
For the Employer
A good internship is an educational experience for the student. An internship is not free (or reduced cost) labor for the sponsor or a way to get work done that the regular employees don’t like to do or can’t get around to. In fact, a good internship requires some extra work on the sponsor’s part: Students need regular guidance and mentoring. Their schools often require a meeting or two each semester. There is paperwork to be done.
It’s important to remember that if the student is getting college credit for the experience, he or she has paid a substantial amount of money for the privilege of working with you. You may be getting some help you don’t have to pay for. But the intern has paid his or her school to make an internship an official part of his or her education.
If you want your end of the bargain to work well, here are some tips from successful internship sites that take on students year after year:
- Assign a supervisor. Interns need someone who will meet regularly with them (at least once a week) to provide guidance and answer questions.
- Think carefully about learning objectives and the experiences that will help the intern meet those objectives. It’s not sufficient to tell a student, “Just go help out so and so.” A written “job” description makes goals, expectations, and roles clear for all involved.
- Provide your interns with a careful orientation. It’s often helpful for interns to participate in the same new employee orientation that is required of anyone else entering the company. If you don’t have such a standard program, it’s important to formally go over company policies and safety rules. A few days to “shadow” and observe before starting actual work is a practical way to help an intern ease in.
- Whenever possible, provide breadth as well as depth. Interns are exploring your field. It’s important for them to see beyond a specific program, department, agency, or particular task. They need to get some exposure to the range of roles and responsibilities in the organization and some help understanding the whole picture.
- Never ask a student to do something that makes him or her uncomfortable without adequate training and supports. Yes, there are unpleasant or difficult aspects to every job, but a student shouldn’t be expected to do a challenging task without support until he or she is confident. Even then, risky or uncomfortable jobs should be done under the watchful eye of an employee.
- Similarly, it is unfair to ask an intern to do a job that is unrelated to the internship just because no one has had the time to do it and you’d like it done. You may need the garage cleaned but this isn’t something that will further the intern’s education.
- Follow the rubric of “observe, assist, do under supervision” and you will be much happier with student performance. Students need mentoring and can’t be expected to jump right in as you might expect a new employee to do.
- Never put interns in a legally vulnerable position. Interns shouldn’t be asked to do tasks for which there might be legal ramifications later. They should not be asked to use their own cars for company business (other than their own commute) unless they are specifically added to the company insurance policy. Most important, interns should never be wholly responsible for the welfare of a vulnerable person who is a client of your company.
- Schedule a formal debriefing at the end of the term to help the student sum up the experience and to give yourself useful feedback.
- Do the paperwork and do it in a timely way. The student’s ability to get needed credits depends on it. In addition, the sponsoring college internship office wants to know what went well and what didn’t so they can continually improve the opportunities for their students.
For the Student
Remember that you are at the site at the tolerance of the sponsor. Sponsors don’t have to take on interns. They generally do it out of commitment to their fields and a desire to be helpful. If they are taking their role seriously, you are extra work for them.
If you want your end of the bargain to work well, here are some tips from students who came away from their internships with good experience, good relationships, and good recommendations:
- Treat the internship as seriously as you would any job. Show up on time. Dress appropriately and neatly. Respect the rules. Do whatever is assigned with enthusiasm and a commitment to excellence.
- Do your homework. Be an active, engaged learner. Don’t wait to be fed information. Read the company annual report and web site. Read up on the field. Then ask thoughtful questions.
- Take direction. You may think you know better. At least 99.9 percent of the time you don’t. Your sponsor sees a larger picture than you do. If you have suggestions, phrase them as a question, not as a criticism. Say, “What led you to decide to do the job this way?” not “It would be better if you did it my way.” If you think you have an innovative idea, talk privately with your supervisor about it.
- Don’t go it alone. If you don’t know what to do next or if you are stuck, it’s better to ask than to assume. Put any ego that may be hanging around on the shelf. It’s far better to look a little dumb than to make an expensive mistake or to make extra work for someone else.
- If you are uncomfortable with anything you are asked to do, ask to speak privately to your supervisor about it. If you can’t resolve it, involve your student internship office.
- Remember that manners do count in the work world, especially if you are working with people who are considerably older than you are. Take the time to write a thoughtful thank-you note to your supervisor and the company CEO at the end of the term.
- Do the paperwork and do it in a timely way. Getting your college credits depends on it. Your college internship office wants to know what went well and what didn’t so they can continually improve the opportunities for other students.
Success
For a student, success in an internship can be measured in many ways. For some it is affirmation that “Yes. This is the field of my dreams.” For some, it is the discovery of new and even more interesting applications for a major. For still others, it is the realization that “No. This really isn’t for me and I’m glad I found out in time to go in another direction.” All of these outcomes are successes. In each case, the student is getting information that will help with career decisions.
For a sponsor, success is less tangible, but no less important. Success is the satisfaction of having shared something that is important to you with an interested young person. Success is knowing you have helped someone grow and make an important decision. Success is having built a mentoring relationship that sometimes pays off with the student coming back to work with you. Success is bridging the present with the future.
10 Tips to Build Resilience
1. Make connections.
Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
3. Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
4. Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”
5. Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality, and heightened appreciation for life.
7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.
8. Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
10. Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some people build connections and restore hope.
The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.
Learning To Say No
Do you wish you could put your foot down sometimes and say no? Many of us feel compelled to agree to every request, and would rather juggle a million jobs than refuse to help, even if we are left with no time for ourselves. But learning to say no can earn you respect from yourself as well those around you.
So why do we continue to say yes? It could be that we believe that saying no is uncaring, even selfish, and we may have a fear of letting other people down. On top of this may be a fear of being disliked, criticized, or risking a friendship.
Interestingly, the ability to say no is closely linked to self-confidence. People with low self-confidence and self-esteem often feel nervous about antagonizing others and tend to rate others’ needs more highly than their own.
Perhaps overbearing parents or experiencing parenthood yourself has encouraged this tendency. Women in particular are prone to falling into the trap. You may have been raised to be a “sweetheart” who was always good and took care of the other children. These childhood influences are key to the formation of beliefs such as “I’m only lovable if I’m compliant and helpful.” If you feel you have become a “people-pleaser,” your self-worth may have come to depend on the things you do for other people. A vicious circle develops in which the people around you expect you to be there for them all the time and comply with their wishes.
Being unable to say no can make you exhausted, stressed and irritable. It could be undermining any efforts you make to improve your quality of life if you spend hours worrying over how to get out of an already-promised commitment. If your spare time is taken up with committee meetings and myriad other engagements, your family may be suffering.
Don’t wait until your energy runs out before you take a much needed step back to assess the situation.
Top Tips for Saying No
- Keep your response simple. If you want to say no, be firm and direct. Use phrases such as “Thanks for coming to me but I’m afraid it’s not convenient right now” or “I’m sorry but I can’t help this evening.” Try to be strong in your body language and don’t over-apologize. Remember, you’re not asking permission to say no.
- Buy yourself some time. Interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle, using phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” then consider your options. Having thought it through at your leisure, you’ll be able to say no with greater confidence.
- Consider a compromise. Only do so if you want to agree with the request, but have limited time or ability to do so. Suggest ways forward to suit both of you. Avoid compromising if you really want or need to say no.
- Separate refusal from rejection. Remember you’re turning down a request, not a person. People usually will understand that it is your right to say no, just as it is their right to ask the favor.
- Don’t feel guilty for saying no to your children. It is important for them to hear no from time to time so that they develop a sense of self-control. It is hard to negotiate adult life without this important skill. Rather than cave in to their protests, let them know who is in charge by setting boundaries.
- Be true to yourself. Be clear and honest with yourself about what you truly want. Get to know yourself better and examine what you really want from life.
10 Reasons It Sucks To Be A Woman
Here is a list by an unknown author. What do you all think.
1) I am so sick of my period! One-third of every month is negatively affected by my period. I am either sick from cramps, bloated beyond belief, on it, finishing it, too emotional, not emotional at all, or just simply not myself. The right months are worse than the left ones. Ortho, Depo and the others do nothing to help..
2) I hate make-up. I went to work today without make-up (I feel like crap already) and the first thing I hear when I sit down is a co-worker saying “I see you woke up late this morning, you should put your face on before anyone else sees you like that”… WTF, this is my face… it is a cute face… I like it just the way it is. Why do I have to put on a show for everyone around me, hell some of the guys here don’t even shave before coming to work… they wear the same tired clothes every week… so why do I need to bother?
3) I have to be a slave to fashion. Same as the make-up situation, god forbid if I wear my most comfortable pants to work, or an out of style outfit that I personally like.. Why do I have to spend a couple thousand dollars a year on clothes and accessories, why do all of my friends want to shop all of the time. This is a sickness, and I am sick of it. I wish I could dress like a guy, in the same suit I bought in 1999 and the same tie that I have worn every week for the past three years. That would be nice!
4) My bra has never fit me right! Why can’t I find a bra that fits me perfectly? One that is slightly adjustable to compensate for my ever changing body? With the right cup just slightly larger than the left cup, one that provides just the right amount of support. Is this too much to ask, retailers have put significant effort into the feminine hygiene realm, perhaps they could divert some of their R&D monies away from moisture lock technologies and into making the perfect bra. If only I was a little smaller, then I could go without.
5) I hate the following terms: Pussy, Slit, Cooche, Cunt, Snatch, Cooter, Beaver, Hole, Muff, Twat, and Clam… I also hate Titties, Boobies, Funbags, Melons and any other idiotic name people come up with for my body parts. I have a vagina and breasts or tits. Easy as that. Can you say Vagina? I hope so.
6) Double standards: Men get away with murder in the business world. Women are held to a much higher degree of scrutiny and to a much higher standard than men. When men talk they are networking, when women talk we are gossiping… when men make mistakes they are risk takers, when women make mistakes we are incompetent, when men argue they are debating, when women argue we are being catty. You get the idea. I am just as smart, if not smarter than most of my coworkers, but I will always get stuck behind a guy with ‘ambition and drive’, especially when I spend a good portion of my month focusing on my insides (see #1).
7) Sex is different for women. Men take great pride in bedding women, as many and as often as possible. If a women expresses her sexuality she is a whore, tramp or slut. Rightly so sometimes… there is no female equivalent to the blow job, a blow job is a power trip for the guy… I am on my knees in front of him or with my head around his waist in some fashion, pleasuring him until he finishes, then it is up to me to clean up while he basks in the satisfaction. If he goes down on me, it is a different experience, there is no power exchange, he is still in a powerful position (legs apart is always vulnerable) and he is still happy to see my vagina. The picture alone is worth ten minutes of licking on his part. Don’t even get me started on penetration…
8) My yearly gyno appointment. enough said, I wish I could just turn my head and cough, just once!
9) The bathroom! Ok, I am not going to talk about the cleanliness of bathrooms and the hygiene habits of women, that has been covered ad nauseum on this board. I am going to say that I wish I could be a little neater when I pee, I can’t stand that first dribble that tends to go somewhere other than in the bowl if I am not sitting. The squat pee (which I have to do given the state of the restrooms in some places) is never neat for me. No need for graphic details here.
10) My mother and all other women who feel that I am breaking the social contract by not having children. I have enough issues with my girly parts already, I can’t imagine what having a child would do to me. I also don’t feel like bringing new babies into the current world, so don’t tell me that I should. Don’t say that I should ’start looking for a husband’ because I am getting older… why don’t you tell the guys, ‘better get serious about a family, your time is ticking’.
Postingan
