20 of the Prettiest Women in Porn Today

There was a time when you could count the really pretty girls in hardcore porn on one hand. Now there are just too many to keep track of. I’m not sure if the 20 gorgeous women featured on this list are among the highly paid pornstars these days, but they should be, if only for their undeniable beauty which could have been their ticket to other careers in another time and in another planet.

Now let me remind you of the cliché that goes, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. This is a highly subjective list, so if you wanna complain about my choices, or feel that your favorites were unfairly left out, feel free to hit the comments. And the list is completely random, so no complaints about ranking because the numbers aren’t exactly indicative of rank.

1. Georgia Jones

2. Ashlyn Rae

 

3. Ellie Idol

4. Faye Reagan

5. Lacie Heart

6. Lexi Belle

7. Mindy Vega

8. Sarah Blake

9. Sunny Leone

10. Tori Black

11. Danielle of FTV

12. Jayme Langford

13. Brooke Lee Adams

14. Raven Alexis

15. Ashlynn Brooke

16. Bree Olson

17. Sasha Grey

 18. Stoya

19. Candace Cage

20. Jenni Lee

5 Japanese AV Idols Who Could Have Had Other Careers

One thing about Japanese porn, more popularly known as AV, is that it never seems to run out of pretty young things willing to do hardcore on camera. Some of these recruits are even so unbelievably gorgeous you would think they’re commercial models or mainstream actresses or J-pop singers, not porn stars.

The five AV idols listed below, IMHO, have the requisite looks to make it in other fields of the entertainment industry had they not been raging nymphomaniacs. That’s a bit harsh I know, but that’s pretty much the only explanation I could come up with for their willingness to get tag-teamed on video by a bunch of, for the most part, really ugly men for certainly less than what the highest-paid porn stars in the world are getting.

1. Maria Ozawa

Proof that the end product of interracial sex rocks. Born to a Japanese mother and a Canadian father, she wasn’t scouted, like most AV idols were, by the countless AV agents scouring Japan for new “talent”. She actually APPLIED for the job. She has since progressed to kinkier fare, like anal and DP and bondage scenes.

2. Mihiro

Not a few people consider Mihiro as the cutest AV idol to ever come along. And I agree. She could have been a model. Or a pop singer. Wait, she’s actually been both. I guess she just figured having sex on camera was her real calling.

3. Tina Yuzuki

Tina Yuzuki is half-Japanese and half-Portuguese. The result is one of the most beautiful women to ever enter the JAV scene. She now goes by the name “Rio”, by the way. She may have changed her name, but her onscreen exploits remain as hardcore as ever.

4. Sora Aoi

She is often referred to as Japan’s Jenna Jameson, mainly because she’s considered the biggest porn star there these days. But the comparison ends there. Sora Aoi is drop-dead gorgeous, and looks nothing like the mummified alien that Jameson is.

5. Nana

Another one of those half-breeds, Nana is reportedly from a well-to-do family. Not that it matters. She performs like she was raised in a brothel, and is even more daring than most AV idols, for she takes on big black men in one of her videos.

The Story of Bibi Aisha

'Shaming' her in-laws costs 19 year old her nose, ears
"When they cut off my nose and ears, I passed out," 19-year-old Bibi Aisha of Afghanistan says with chilling candor.
Her beauty is still stunning and her confidence inspiring. It takes a moment for the barbaric act committed against her to register in your mind and sight.
Wearing her patterned scarf and with roughly painted nails she shares her story.
"It felt like there was cold water in my nose, I opened my eyes and I couldn't even see because of all the blood," she remembers.
It was an act of Taliban justice for the crime of shaming her husband's family.
This story began when Aisha was just 8 years old.
Her father had promised her hand in marriage, along with that of her baby sister's, to another family in a practice called "baad."
"Baad" in Pashtunwali, the law of the Pashtuns, is a way to settle a dispute between rival families.
At 16, she was handed over to her husband's father and 10 brothers, who she claims were all members of the Taliban in Oruzgan province. Aisha didn't even meet her husband because he was off fighting in Pakistan.
"I spent two years with them and became a prisoner," she says. ( Watch more of the interview with Aisha)
Tortured and abused, she couldn't take it any longer and decided to run away. Two female neighbors promising to help took her to Kandahar province.
But this was just another act of deception.
When they arrived to Kandahar her female companions tried to sell Aisha to another man.
All three women were stopped by the police and imprisoned. Aisha was locked up because she was a runaway. And although running away is not a crime, in places throughout Afghanistan it is treated as one if you are a woman.
A three-year sentence was reduced to five months when President Hamid Karzai pardoned Aisha. But eventually her father-in-law found her and took her back home.
That was the first time she met her husband. He came home from Pakistan to take her to Taliban court for dishonoring his family and bringing them shame.
The court ruled that her nose and ears must be cut off. An act carried out by her husband in the mountains of Oruzgan where they left her to die.
But she survived.
And with the help of an American Provincial Reconstruction Team in Oruzgan and the organization Women for Afghan Women (WAW), she is finally getting the help and protection she needs.
Offers have been pouring in to help Aisha, but there are many more women suffering in silence.
The United Nations estimates that nearly 90 percent of Afghanistan' s women suffer from some sort of domestic abuse. This in a country where there are only about eight women's shelters to provide sanctuary from the cruelty they face. And all of the eight are privately run.
"Bibi Aisha is only one example of thousands of girls and women in Afghanistan and throughout the world who are treated this way - who suffer abuses like this, like this and worse," says board member for WAW, Esther Hyneman.
In 2001, the situation of Afghan women and Taliban brutality received plenty of attention. Now organizations like WAW say the international community is strangely silent on the issue.
Hyneman says not enough is being done to help the women in Afghanistan and that feeds into the hands of the insurgency.
"When you have ... 50 percent of a population on their knees, it's very easy for extremists, tyrants to take over a country," she adds. "They have a ready-made enslaved population."
Aisha is reminded of that enslavement every time she looks in the mirror.
But there still times she can laugh. And at that moment you see her teenage spirit escaping a body that has seen a lifetime of injustice.

Gift from China

US President Obama visited China last week, primarily to find out what exactly & how exactly China is doing things that make it such a success story, surpassing all the so-called "expert economic planners" of the US &
Europe. His team found these 5 basic lessons behind China 's success -  it applies equally to our country :

LESSON No 1  -  BE AMBITIOUS

The Chinese believe in Setting Goals, Making Plans, Focusing on Moving Ahead.

Moving Ahead  - there is always the sense of foward motion.

As an example, a huge 6-lane highway in Shanghai took only 2 years from planning to being ready for traffic.
In the US, 2 years will only get you the environment and local authority permit if you are lucky. In Malaysia in 2 years, they will still be calculating how to inflate the costs, and to whose abang-adik company to award the project.

LESSON No 2 -  EDUCATION MATTERS

The Chinese are obsessed with ensuring kids get the right education  - English, Maths & Science.
They made sure that their education system  reached even the most remote rural areas. Today the literacy rate in China is over 90%, surpassing even the USA's 86%. According to American educationists, the Chinese kids are way ahead of the kids in the USA .
Meanwhile in Malaysia, our politicians are determined to regress our education system into the stone age.

LESSON No 3  -  LOOK AFTER THE ELDERLY

The Chinese do not send their elderly to nursing care centres but personally look after & care for their parents.
In the US, nursing care of the elderly is now costing each resident USD 85,000 annually, & this is rising.
The Chinese also believe that the grandparents at home make the best tutors for their children. It also provides a sense of cultural continuity - this helps bind society.

Here it's a growing trend to have children brought up by maids, of the lowest educational & moral quality so our children (the future leaders) grow up with a similar language capability & outlook.

LESSON No 4 -  SAVE MORE

In the USA, savings dropped to zero in 2005, and is only now slowly rising to 4%. In China, the savings rate for every household has exceeded 20%. The Chinese
believe that frugality & a healthy savings rate are a sure indicator of a country's financial health. High savings lead to increased investments that result in increased productivity, innovation & job growth.

In the West, & aped by our Malaysians, the status symbol is to spend more than you earn, with as many credit cards as possible. In the end, the whole country gets into debt.

LESSON No 5  -  LOOK OVER THE HORIZON

In China, everyone is forward looking - never backwards. New graduates make a vow - never will their children & grandchildren ever work in the fields again. With this kind of forward
mentality, people are always thinking & planning how, not just to succeed, but how to be the best in the world in everything they do.

In Malaysia, we are still, after 24 years, trying to get the window switches of the Proton to work properly, and our Muslim Fundamentalists want us to adopt medieval syariah laws.

Some interesting fact about US brand name & product

American brand names that are not produced by American manufacturings anymore

Chuck Taylors (Sport Shoes)
The granddaddy of all sneakers, the All-Star entered production in 1917 and took on basketball player and salesman Chuck Taylor’s name in 1923. Countless Americans used the high-top, rubber-soled kicks to establish their cred—from NBA star Julius Erving to the Ramones, Dr. House to Kurt Cobain. But when Nike bought Converse for $305 million in 2003, it moved production of all the company’s shoe lines abroad—even the cherished Chucks.

Fender Stratocaster (Electric Guitar)
Since Buddy Holly started slinging the Strat in 1957, it’s been the most recognizable electric guitar on the market and the ax of choice for guitar heroes like Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and John Mayer. If you want the classic Stratocaster, made in California, you’ll have to ante up as much as $600 more than you would for the standard model—now made in Ensenada, Mexico.

Etch A Sketch (Children's Toy)
It still says “Ohio Art” on the frame, but the magnetic drawing toy isn’t made in the Buckeye State—or any other state, for that matter. After 40 years, Ohio Art Co. shut down domestic production in 2000, seeking labor cheaper than the unionized, $9-per-hour workers who had been making the toys. The Chinese factories that now make Etch A Sketches have been the subject of unflattering allegations about work conditions.

Radio Flyer wagons (Children's Toys)
The makers of the classic red wagon tout the toys as true “icons of Americana,” but today they’re only consumed in the U.S., not made here. In 2004 Radio Flyer decided its Chicago plant was too expensive, so it slashed about 45 jobs and began making its wagons, scooters, and tricycles in China. It’s only one of the many iconic American toy brands that are now made overseas—including Barbie and the Fisher-Price line. Radio Flyer displayed this gigantic vehicle at the American International Toy Fair in New York in February 2004, just one month before announcing the switch.

Levi jeans (Garments)
Since Levi Strauss, a German immigrant, began manufacturing denim pants in San Francisco in 1853, bluejeans have become as potent a symbol of America as McDonald’s, popping up on Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the U.S.A. record cover and lending their name to an Eastern European revolution. But if you want jeans that are born in the U.S.A., you’ll have to go elsewhere: the last American-made pairs of Levi’s were sewn and riveted in 2003. Production now takes place in Latin America (including this factory in Haiti) and Asia.

Craftsman and Stanley tools (Handtools and DIY Tools)
These two leading tool brands have been challenged by consumers and the government, which question whether some products deserve the “Made in the U.S.A.” label. The Federal Trade Commission mandates that goods can be called American-made only if they’re entirely or mostly made in the U.S. The FTC fined Stanley $205,000 in 2006 for mislabeling some tools that didn’t meet that standard. Craftsman, owned by Sears, has also been caught and fined by the feds. In 2006 consumers filed a class-action suit against the company, but lost because the court ruled that the plaintiffs had failed to prove any injury from the mislabeling.

American flags (Flags)
Next time you wave your Stars and Stripes, check the label. Foreign-made flags aren't all that common, but they exist. They represent only about 1.5 percent of the market, thanks in part to America’s protectionist policies on flag production. Several states have laws that ban sales of American flags not made in the United States, and Oklahoma Democrat Dan Boren has introduced a similar bill in the House, which, if passed, would prevent importation of American flags made overseas.

Rawlings baseballs (Sport Goods)
They’re the official game balls of America’s pastime and used to be made here at home, but these days, Rawlings stitches them together in Costa Rica. The company’s factory moved there in 1990, after stints in Haiti and Puerto Rico. However, the parts that make up the balls—yarn, cores, and cowhide—are all imported to Costa Rica from the U.S.

Cannondale bicycles (Bicycles - Sport)
The high-end bike maker used to construct its frames by hand in the U.S., but since Montreal-based Dorel bought Cannondale in 2008, it has shifted gears, moving production from a plant in Bedford, Pa., to China, where Dorel makes parts for a variety of other venerable American bike brands, including Schwinn and Roadmaster. At left, Lance Trappe of the Volvo Cannondale Mountain Bike Racing Team leaps over a man at the 2001 New York City Bicycle Show.

NBA uniforms (Sport Uniforms - Garments)
After German sports-apparel maker Adidas became the NBA’s official uniform supplier in 2006, the company contracted out the actual production of jerseys, shorts, and the like to American garment manufacturers. But in late 2009 Adidas announced it would cut short a contract that had been set to expire in 2014 and use factories in Thailand instead. The plan elicited boos from fans and politicians alike. One upset employee of American Classic Outfitters in Perry, N.Y.,told Fox News, “I think it’s horrible. They’re American teams, they should all be wearing American garments.”

Brach’s confections (Candy Makers)
Caramel and candy-pumpkin powerhouse Brach’s was once a cornerstone of Chicago’s sweet-making industry, back when the Windy City owned the market. In 2001, Brach’s announced that it would close its Chicago plant and move production to Mexico. Executives said U.S. sugar regulations make the cost of U.S. manufacturing artificially and impracticably high. At left, then-CEO Kevin Kotecki in Brach’s Chicago office in 2001.

IBM personal computers (Computer - High Tech products)
Once the dominant name in personal computers, IBM doesn’t even make them anymore. Opting to leave a market it took by storm in the 1980s, the blue-chip company sold its PC business to the Chinese manufacturer Lenovo for $1.75 billion in 2004. The sale allowed IBM to focus more directly on high-end computers, consulting, and software, while Lenovo now makes and markets best-selling brands like the ThinkPad laptop. At left, a model poses with new Lenovo models in New Delhi in 2009.

The above are not including any of the softwares jobs that are outsourced to India and other places.

Bananas with dark patches on yellow skin

The fully ripe banana produces a substance called TNF (Tumor Necrosis Factor) which has the ability to combat abnormal cells.
So don't be surprised very soon the shop will go out of stock for bananas.
As the banana ripens, it develops dark spots or patches on the skin.

The more dark patches it has, the higher will be its' immunity enhancement quality.

Hence the Japanese love bananas for a good reason.

According to a Japanese scientific research, banana contains TNF which has anti-cancer properties.

The degree of anti-cancer effect corresponds to the degree of ripeness of  the fruit, i.e. the riper the banana, the better the anti-cancer quality..

In an animal experiment carried out by a professor in Tokyo University comparing the various health benefits of different fruits, using banana, grape, apple, water melon, pineapple, pear and persimmon, it was found
that banana gave the best results. It increased the number of white blood cells, enhanced the immunity of the body an d produced anti-cancer substance TNF.

The recommendation is to eat 1 to 2 banana a day to increase your body immunity to diseases like cold, flu and others.

According to the Japanese professor, yellow skin bananas with dark spots on it are 8 times more effective in enhancing the property of white blood cells than the green skin version

How Fights Start

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

 I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,

"Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive...

so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""


Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....


www.pathwaytofun.blogspot.com

Definition of success

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants

At age 12 success is having friends

At age 16 success is having a drivers license

At age 20 success is having sex

At age 35 success is having money

At age 50 success is having money

At age 60 success is having sex

At age 70 success is having a drivers license

At age 75 success is having friends

At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.


See the pattern, after all the struggles, you are back to where you are at the beginning..

pathwaytofun.blogspot.com

8 diseases pharmas is banking on

Since direct-to-consumer drug advertising debuted in 1997, pharma's credo has been When The Medication Is Ready, The Disease (and Patients) Will Appear. Who knew so many people suffered from seasonal allergies, GERD, erectile dysfunction, restless legs and bipolar disorder?

But pharma's recent plan to move from mass-market molecules into more lucrative vaccines and biologics did not see the anti-vaxer movement coming: millions of Americans saying You Want to Vaccinate Me -- and My Child -- with WHAT?? and condemning vials of H1N1, rotavirus, MMR vaccines and Gardasil and Cervarix to sit, well, way past their expiration dates. Nor were fears of an international vaccine conspiracy helped by former CDC Director Julie Gerberding resurfacing as President of Merck Vaccines in December. (Nice revolving door if you can catch it.)

Now pharma is back to creating new diseases, patients, risks and "awareness campaigns" faster than you can say thimerosal (the vaccine preservative that started the backlash.)

SERM deficiency

A pill to prevent postmenopausal osteoporosis packs the "magic three" of drug sales -- fear, forever and faith -- since you never know if it's working or if you need it, but fear stopping. But 15 years after women began swallowing bisphosphonates like Fosamax and Boniva because pharma-planted bone density machines in medical offices revealed they had "osteopenia,"* bisphosphonates are linked to jaw bone death, esophageal cancer and causing the fractures they were supposed to prevent. Sorry about that. Now pharma is hawking Selective Estrogen Receptor Modulators (SERMs) like Evista and Tamoxifen to prevent osteoporosis and even some cancers. Unfortunately they can cause others"

Statin Deficiency

If it seems like the whole world is on statins, it's not your imagination. Last year the FDA approved AstraZeneca's Crestor for children as young as 10 and in March it approved Crestor for 6.5 million people who have no cholesterol or heart problems at all! (See: fear, forever and faith.) Many say, since lead investigator of the Justification for the Use of Statins in Primary Prevention study Paul Ridker of Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston is co-patent holder/inventor of the C-reactive protein (CRP) test which "proves" Crestor's effectiveness, there's a conflict of interest. Others say, since CRP isn't necessarily even a marker for heart disease and statins can cause Type 2 diabetes, it's bad science along with a conflict of interest.

Circadian Dysrhythmia

Insomnia is a gold mine for pharma because everyone sleeps -- or watches TV when they can't. But Ambien, Lunesta, Sonata and Rozerem have reached market saturation, so pharma is rolling out subcategories like middle-of-the-night (MOTN) insomnia, sleep eating, sleep walking and sleep sweating (yes sweating) and "non-restful sleep" to boost the franchise. Meanwhile another demo is swelling Circadian Dysrhythmia numbers: Thanks to restless legs syndrome, sleep apnea, shift work sleep disorder, people who skimp on sleep and of course insomnia meds themselves, there's an epidemic of excessive sleepiness! Enter Provigil, "a mood-brightening and memory-enhancing psychostimulant which enhances wakefulness and vigilance," and Adderall and Vyvanse -- known in the days of Lenny Bruce as speed. Bruce had "excessive sleepiness" too.

Adult Autism, ADHD and Refusal to Play Nicey

Having marketed adult diseases like depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia in 4-year-olds to death, pharma is now finding childhood diseases in adults. Adults with ADHD have hyperactivity, impulsivity, "executive function deficits" and "difficulty with organization and time management," says Harvard Medical School's Joseph Biederman, in a 2004 JAMA. The disease, found in most people's brother-in-laws, requires "lifelong" medication says Biederman, who was accused of pushing Risperdal and hiding pharma income by Congress in 2008. Adults may suffer from autism too says a 2008 article in Psychiatric News, if they're "unsociable, extremely rigid, given to angry outbursts" and "acutely sensitive to light, heat, and pain." Luckily, in two studies "SSRI antidepressants led to a decrease in repetitive behaviors and to somewhat more socializing," in adults with autism says the Psychiatric News.

Asthma That Requires "Two Drugs"

Leave it to pharma to develop an asthma drug -- the long-acting beta2-agonists (LABAs) -- that triples the rate of asthma deaths, especially in African-Americans. And leave it to the FDA to approve LABA's on the basis of a trial, the 2003 SMART trial (Salmeterol Multicenter Asthma Research Trial), that was stopped early because of so many deaths. In March, after more deaths, especially in children, a sheepish FDA recast LABAs as a last resort medication with or without use of a concomitant inhaled steroid. But AstraZeneca doesn't want to stop selling its LABA with a steroid, Symbicort -- and GSK its LABA with a steroid, Advair -- just because they're correlated with death. So the LABA drugs are being billed as safe and having "two drugs" to treat asthma (see: Vytorin) and projected to earn billions this year.

"Treatment Resistant" Conditions

If an engine additive or laundry product didn't work, who would chase it with another product --or two-- because the manufacturer told them to? Who would pay $300 to $900 a month out of their pocket for antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers and mood brighteners some of which don't work? (see: fear, forever, faith.) Increasingly, pharma is billing drugs as add on or "adjunctive therapy" like the antipsychotic Abilify in whose ads a patient says, "I'm taking an antidepressant but think I might need more help." Last year, the FDA approved AstraZeneca's antipsychotic Seroquel* for patients who "failed to respond adequately to an antidepressant alone" and Eli Lilly's Symbyax, a combination of antidepressant Prozac and antipsychotic Zyprexa (do patients gain 100 pounds but feel great?) for "treatment resistant depression." Why are diseases "treatment resistant" instead of the drugs "ineffective" or diagnoses "wrong"?

Low T

Men are you feeling run down and over the hill? Is your hair falling out, skin wrinkling and abdomen developing its own zip code? Have you lost interest in sex or worse, has your partner? (With you?) Do you need reading glasses, dental implants and heel splints? You're not getting old, you just have Low T and are ready for the aging-is-really-just-low-hormones con that women have lived with for 60 years: hormone replacement therapy. Like 50 million women before you, you can be Forever Masculine even though, to (quote hormone giant Wyeth) you have outlived your testes if you start replacing your lost testosterone. You'll get both kinds of zips back in your life, and it won't change your prostate-specific antigens. Pharma promises.

"Spectrum" Disorders

Nothing proves pharma's when-the-medication-is-ready credo better than the legions of people who have fibromyaglia now that Cymbalta, Savella and Lyrica are available to treat it. Still, a "grassroots" pharma front group is conducting a Fibromyalgia Is Real awareness campaign like it did for depression and bipolar disorder, just to make sure. Pharma has also rolled out the term "depression spectrum disorder" for fibromyalgia to make sure patients who have some but not all of the symptoms seek treatment. And speaking of spectrums, "Epilepsy Spectrum Disorder" was rolled out in January's JAMA -- a disorder which is not just about seizures anymore but has "shared mechanisms" with "depression, autism"and other cognitive comorbidities." Spectrum disorders are Real--which is pharma for Reimbursable.

* a pharma contrivance like "perimenopause" to widen the patient pool

**this week AstraZeneca agreed to pay $520 million to settle Justice Department allegations it illegally marketed Seroquel and paid physicians to act as authors for ghostwritten articles. Don't the FDA and Justice Department talk to each other?

Mobile screening

Most of us see airport security as a pain. Some of us even feel violated. 

When you see the pictures below, you will understand why they want our cell phones through the x-ray machine.  If you get asked to test your cell phone at the airport, this is the reason.

Cell phone guns have arrived.  And they are real.
Beneath the digital phone face is a .22 caliber handgun capable of firing four rounds in rapid succession using the standard telephone keypad. European law enforcement officials are stunned by the discovery of these deadly decoys. They say phone guns are changing the rules of engagement in Europe .

Only when you have one in your hand do you realize that they are heavier than a regular cell phone.

Be patient if security asks to look at your cell phone or turn it on to show that it works . They have a good reason! Wake up to our NEW WORLD!! We shouldn't complain about airport security invading your privacy.

Water & Wine

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine ..and to those who don't.
 As Ben Franklin said:
"  In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria."
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria  found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. 
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, gin, rum, whisky or other liquor), because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. 
Remember:   
Water = Poop,        Wine = Health . 
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of crap. 
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.  I'm doing it as a public service.

Supermarket Shelf Poisons

HEALTH WARNING
Supermarket Shelf Poisons

Anybody that takes Vitamin C (and most people should) avoid the following Soft drinks Sunkist, Fanta, Diet Coke, Sprite, & Pepsi Max.

These drinks contain Sodium Benzoate 211 on the label. A chemical reaction between Vitamin C and Sodium Benzoate creates Benzine a highly Carcinogenic chemical (story by Channel 9).

Benzine has the ability to severely damage the DNA in the Mitochondria to the point that it totally inactivates it, knocks it out altogether. The Mitochondria consumes Oxygen to give you energy, and if you damage it, then the cell starts to malfunction very seriously, often fatally, a whole array of Diseases has been tied to the damage to the DNA, including Parkinson's Disease and quite a lot of Neuro-Degenerative Diseases..

This is a follow-up of all the TV station's story on Mentos and Diet Coke. Don't mix these two either, they cause a chemical reaction (explosion) in the stomach, it's not only Mentos but also any Mint products. Mint Life Savers, Tic Tac's, Cool Mint's, etc, the Mint is not the culprit here but the Aspartame in the Diet Drinks, 951 on the label, also   avoid 950 Acelsultame F (same thing). Aspartame poisoning has been scientifically linked to 92 Symptoms of Disease including MS... Still going to drink your Diet Drinks???

Most European countries have forbidden the Importing and use in their Country of Aspartame including all makes of Saccharin, example Equal, Nutra-Sweet,  Spoonful & Diet Drinks, including 6,000 consumer Good's and Beverages, sold on the Supermarket shelves .  this ban affect's all use of this product in any type o consumable infringement and will carry penalties that go from 9.000 euros to 90,000 Euros.

Mexico is also considering banning all 6,000 products of Aspartame on its Supermarket shelves. In Mexico Aspartame is known as Rumsfeld's Disease, after George Bush's mate Donald Rumsfeld. The Nutra-Sweet company and Searle are owned by Monsanto who appointed Rumsfeld as their General Manager, so they could use his clout with Parliament to get this Deadly Poison passed by the FDA   and boost their sales of Aspartame.

Avoid all Toothpastes made in China , especially Colgate's they contain Ethylene Glycol..  This is an Anti-Freezing agent, Highly Toxic  and even Fatal -- it destroys the Liver, Kidney, Lung, Blood Cells, Heart and the Nervous System. It is also in some Mouth Washes, Make-up, Aftershave, Baby Powder and Wipes, Shampoo, and Deodorants.

Avoid Smarties; they contain almost every Toxic artificial colour on the market. The worst are 102, 104, and the worst of all 110 Carcinogenic, 124 undesirable, 127 Carcinogenic 128 Extreme Caution, 129,131, and 133 are also carcinogenic. To top it off Smarties are not even made of Chocolate (neither are Tim Tam's). Synthetic Chocolate has non-nutritional food value whatsoever.

Read your labels  -- it may one day save your life.

Warm Water Instead of Cold

A very good article which takes two minutes to read. Sent by a friend who had about 25 or 30 years in the field with such emergencies....I'm sending this to persons I care about.......why not do the same ?????

Heart Attacks And Drinking Warm Water 

This is a very good article. Not only about the warm water after your meal, but about Heart Attacks. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer . It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

Common Symptoms Of Heart Attack.....
A serious note about heart attacks - You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting . Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.
You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms... 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.

A cardiologist says if everyone who reads this message sends it to 10 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life. So, please be a true friend and send this article to all your friends you care about.


I  JUST DID

Clean Your Kidneys with Less than $1.00

Years pass by and our kidneys are filtering the blood by removing salt, poison and any unwanted entering our body. With time, the salt accumulates and this needs to undergo cleaning treatments.

How are we going to do this?
It is very easy, first take a bunch of parsley and wash it clean

Then cut it in small pieces and put it in a pot and pour clean water and boil it for ten minutes and let it cool down and then filter it and pour in a clean bottle and keep it inside refrigerator to cool.
Drink one glass daily and you will notice all salt and other accumulated poison coming out of your kidney by urination. Also you will be able to notice the difference which you never felt before.
Parsley is known as best cleaning treatment for kidneys and it is natural!

Greatest Questions & Answers

THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?

A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.

Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?

A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?

A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?

A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet.  But when they go, they take your house and car with them.

Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...

BONUS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: What is a man's Ultimateembarrassment?  

A: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Nominated as the world's best short joke

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mum', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied. 

pathwaytofun.blogspot.com

Priceless

Jack wakes up with  a huge hangover after attending his company's party.  Jack is not  normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.   He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was  feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.  Jack had to force  himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.  Next to them, a single  red rose!!  Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and  pressed.  He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,  spotlessly clean.  So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins,  cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom  mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey,  breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!  Love, Marian'

He stumbles  to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and  the morning newspaper.  His 16 year old son is also at the table eating. 

Jack asks, 'Son, what happened last night?'  

'Well, you came home after 3  A.M., drunk and out of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it,  and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the  door'

Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect  order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for  me??'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and  when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone bitch, I'm  married!!'

Broken coffee Table  $239.99

Hot breakfast $4.20

Two aspirins $.38

Saying the  right thing, at the right time:

PRICELESS

pathwaytofun.blogspot.com

The Husband became The Wife

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
-
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman...
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids,
-
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
-
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
-
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog..
Then, it was already 1 P..M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument
with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
-
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day..
Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back..
Amen!'
-
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though.
You got pregnant last night.'

pathwaytofun.blogspot.com

Lesson from mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry
About.."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents Like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

11 Rules from Bible that we ignore

1. Round haircuts. See you in Hell, Beatles... and/or kids with bowl cuts, surfer cuts or (my favorite) butt cuts. Leviticus 19:27 reads "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."

2. Football. At least, the pure version of football, where you play with a pigskin. The modern synthetic footballs are ugly and slippery anyways. Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."

And you're doubly breaking that if you wake up, eat some sausage then go throw around the football. Or go to the county fair and enter a greased pig catching contest.

3. Fortune telling. Before you call a 900 number (do people still call 900 numbers, by the way?), read your horoscope or crack open a fortune cookie, realize you're in huge trouble if you do.

Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

Seems like a lifetime of exile is a pretty harsh penalty for talking to Zoltar.

4. Pulling out. The Bible doesn't get too much into birth control... it's clearly pro-populating but, back when it was written, no one really anticipated the condom or the sponge, so those don't get specific bans.

But... pulling out does. One of the most famous sexual-oriented Bible verses... the one that's used as anti-masturbation rhetoric... is actually anti-pulling out.

It's Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

Yep -- pull out and get smote. That's harsh.

5. Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

Not even a little butterfly on your ankle. Or Thug Life across your abdomen. Or even, fittingly enough, a cross.

6. Polyester, or any other fabric blends. The Bible doesn't want you to wear polyester. Not just because it looks cheap. It's sinfully unnatural.

Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together."

Check the tag on your shirt right now. Didn't realize you were mid-sin at this exact second, did you? (Unless you checked the tag by rolling off your neighbor's wife while you two were having anal sex in the middle of robbing a blind guy. Then your Lycra-spandex blend is really the least of your problems.)

7. Divorce. The Bible is very clear on this one: No divorcing. You can't do it. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

8. Letting people without testicles into church. Whether you've been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer isn't important. The Bible doesn't get that specific. It just says you can't pray.

Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God's Word translation, which spells it out better), "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."

Oh, and the next verse says that if you're a bastard, the child of a bastard... or even have a great-great- great-great- great-great- great-grandchild of a bastard, you can't come to church or synagogue either. Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord.". And yet people are saying that the Lord is full of mercy......

9. Wearing gold. 1 Timothy 2:9 doesn't like your gold necklace at all. Or your pearl necklace. Or any clothes you're wearing that you didn't get from Forever 21, Old Navy or H&M.

"Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

10. Shellfish. Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you." And shellfish is right in that wheelhouse.

Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.

11. Your wife defending your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the pills. Do not do the grip and squeeze (no matter what "Miss Congeniality" might advise). Or your hand needs to be cut off.

20 English Test

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.


2) The farm was used to produce produce.


3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.


4) We must polish the Polish furniture.


5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.


6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.


7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.


8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.


9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.


10) I did not object to the object.


11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.


12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.


13) They were too close to the door to close it.


14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.


15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.


16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.


17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.


18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.


19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.


20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

100 Thought

1
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

3
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…

4
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

5
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

6
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

7
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

8
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

9
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

10
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

11
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

12
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

13
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

14
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

15
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

16
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

17
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

18
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

19
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

20
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

21
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

22
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

23
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

24
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

25
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

26
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

27
I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

28
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

29
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian

30
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

31
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

32
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

33
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

34
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

35
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

36
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

37
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

38
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

39
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

40
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

41
I always take life with a grain of salt, …plus a slice of lemon, …and a shot of tequila.

42
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

43
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

44
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

45
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

46
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

47
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

48
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

49
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

50
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

51
The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.

52
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

53
It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

54
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

55
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

56
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?

57
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

58
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

59
There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

60
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

61
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

62
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

63
Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”

64
Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

65
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

66
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

67
Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.

68
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

69
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

70
Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.

71
I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.

72
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

73
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won’t be able to get into the corners very well.”

74
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

75
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

76
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

77
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

78
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

79
When in doubt, mumble.

80
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

81
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

82
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

83
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

84
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

85
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

86
I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

87
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

88
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

89
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

90
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

91
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

92
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket… I’d miss you heaps and think of you often.

93
Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.

94
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

95
Squirrels – nature’s speed bumps.

96
I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

97
Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.

98
Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.

99
Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.

100
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.