Caring Kids

Raising Caring Kids

We've heard a lot recently about bullies and violent kids. But how do you raise a compassionate child, a kid who shares with others and helps those who are being mistreated? Beliefnet parents share their parenting tips for raising empathetic children in a "me first" culture.

Teach Kids to Handle Peer Pressure

When my son was in grade school, he came home talking about a new kid at school that looked and acted a little different. The new student was taunted by friends of my son and they did not make him feel welcome. My son was neutral and did not step in to make the poor kid feel good either.

This was an opportunity for me to talk about having compassion for others and doing the right thing despite the peer pressure to do the opposite. I asked him to put himself in the shoes of the new student and see how he would feel being taunted because others did not like the way he looked.

I also let him know that those who bully are often bullied themselves at home and he needs to have some compassion for his friends who bullied.

--Dovemom

Emphasize Respect for Others

As a mother of 3, I've always made it a point to show my children injustices and how to respect others. I've told them that you don't have to be someone's best friend to show respect. I think that has gone a long way in how they handle situations at school.

My son was telling me in his 7th grade class how some students were being mean and making fun of one of the special education students. He said that he was kind to her and talked with her. I was so proud that he had shown respect for this child and did not join in with the other kids. Whenever you see something or hear of someone being treated unfairly, take that time to teach them what compassion is.

--Sarahsmile40

Involve Other Caring Adults

As parents, we are their 1st teachers, and children are very quick to mimic what we say and do. If they're exposed at an early age to others who are also compassionate, loving, respectful people--grandparent, aunts, uncles, etc.--that gives them a solid foundation to be that way themselves.

We raised two boys into adulthood and they both turned out to be kind, compassionate young men who freely gave to charities. The credit isn't all ours, though. Others helped to shape them along the way, and we're also a very faith-filled family.

--shaner

Avoid Spoiling

Spoiling is number one. This newfangled stuff where we are supposed to turn kids into selfish care bears who think they are "special"--that isn't conducive to a caring attitude. "Princess Syndrome" is rampant nowadays. Ya know, the self-esteem thing: "I'm special 'cuz I got born." Self-respect is earned by doing the right thing.

Don't abuse or spoil...make sure the kiddies earn the right to feel special. That creates future caring adults.

--stevegraywolf

Give Them Pets

We taught our children by example and gave each of them pets to care for. Animals seem to have the ability to draw out the best in a child that few other things can.

--namchuck

Appreciate a Sensitive Temperament

I was an introverted and empathetic child. It was difficult for me growing up for various reasons. I wanted to add something. In my adult years I have learned that being introverted and empathic are wonderful qualities. If your children are either or both, there are really good books available. One is for raising highly sensitive children and the other is for raising introverted kids.

--Sfltracey

Get Them to Think Before They Act

You teach them by making them think about what they are doing. When my kids would do something like pull the cat's tail (as every 3-year-old has probably done), I would sit on the floor with the cat in my lap and my kid in front of me and ask "Why do you do that? Do you want me to pull your hair?" Then I'd gently pull her hair, not enough to hurt, but just enough to make her realize that it is attached and COULD hurt. Then I'd explain that we must be gentle and kind to every animal, even people. Because it's awful to be hurt, and no one likes to be hurt. To this day my kids will defend anyone they see being picked on.

--Tmarie64

Take Time to Explain

When I was little I was confused because people would tell me "that is the way it is" with never an explanation. [As a mother,] I always tell my children from beginning to end why certain things are the way they are. My daughter told me one Mother's Day, "The reason I love you is because you always tell me the truth." Both my children amaze me with small and large acts of kindness. The best way to teach them is to be an example yourself!

--Pattydel

Model Compassion

I believe you first must have those qualities you want to teach to your child. Children listen to about 20% of what you say and 40% of what you do...and the remainder will be outside influence. When you go and volunteer on Christmas to feed or pass out gifts, then your child sees and experiences the compassion that you are showing. If your child has a friend that is less fortunate than him and wants to share his toys, a compassionate parent encourages that or suggests that, because we know in the end material things mean nothing. Parents are not required to be perfect, but if we analyze ourselves from time to time, then our children will be just fine.

--toolite

Help Them Stand Alone

It's rare to see kids possess the strength of character to support those who are picked on. A lot of kids I know or have observed are so very conscious of appearing out of place, they would never dream of going against the crowd. I'm thinking that one thing compassionate kids need to understand is that they sometimes have to stand up alone against a crowd or do the opposite of what the majority are doing. Hope they have support--like their parents--behind them.

--IreneAdler